Extant Hope

Blame the Lutherans

2009-08-24T07:44:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I haven't posted a darned thing for months. Truthfully, I haven't really thought about anything of note for, well, months. ... just having a good time navigating the growth of XB ... playing tennis ... getting the kiddos back to school ...

So now I can breathe again! Woo Hoo!!! 6:45am they're on the bus and I have the place to myself! Well, me and Bandit and Tank(Shredder) and Diamond and Loudmouth(Sora) and Alpha(scaredy cat) and Mr. Pushy(formerly Pushkins).

I've been struggling lately with the SIZE of Hope. It's huge. Growth has been consistent and steady, but there's just something about the past year that's changed the atmosphere around the place. It's different.

It's not about ME and my comfort, of course, and if more and more and more people are led there ... fantastic ... seriously ... I'll get used to it somehow. Really. My 'comfort' doesn't grow His Kingdom, but more people coming through the doors looking for answers does. I get it, and I'll confine my whimpering to this small corner:-)

The whole ELCA acceptance of gay clergy thing is all over the news ... sort of ... not fully reported. I fear journalism is dead, but that's another topic for another day:-)

So the ELCA delegates, whose election process was skillfully manipulated by a minority with an agenda to vote against the majority of ELCA church members who didn't see it coming soon enough to stop it, voted to allow homosexual clergy in committed relationships to serve as pastors. The news doesn't tell us that the vote doesn't mean any particular congregation is obligated to accept anything. The news doesn't tell us what churches in our city are ELCA Lutheran churches, nor does it tell us where they stand as congregations on the issue. Not newsworthy I suppose.

It's not that I'm anti-gay, I'm not. It's not that Hope is anti-gay, we're not. Pr. Mike made a point of clarifying the church's teaching position (i.e. what the Bible says). ... and that position isn't always easy to swallow. I've known homosexual persons since my teens ... and they truly just seemed to be wired up differently. I've had gay classmates and co-workers and roommates and for the most part it just wasn't really an issue at all. It's not about fear or hate or condemnation.

It's about letting God be God. It's ALWAYS about letting God be God ... as if it's really a choice we get to make, lol. He either IS or he ISN'T and our opinions and polls and votes can't change it either way. He either IS or he ISN'T and I don't get to choose the truth.

The ELCA delegates don't have the authority to change the truth either, btw. You can blame the Lutherans, but I'm Lutheran, so I'm blaming Satan.

Free Scrappy!

2009-08-07T07:59:00.002-05:00

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090807/NEWS01/908070344/1001/NEWS

I know. I know. I disappear and don't write a darned thing for months, and I pop back in for a dog I've never met.

When I find out which elected city officials are closest to this, I'm voting them out.

It's just so idiotic. Of course it's a bad idea to keep wild animals as pets ... BECAUSE ... they're dangerous. Since we can't be certain of this animal's parentage, lets look at the animal's history. If he's been a pet for 8 years and hasn't hurt anybody, I'm thinkin' we should just declare him a Husky/Irish Wolfhound mix and let him go home!!!!!

Season One Done

2009-04-25T21:26:00.002-05:00

Yuck. 0-6.

I was supposed to play one last match today but the other team had a player get sick at the last minute and they needed to default a court. Not that it would have made a difference.

I think it was good for me to just sit and watch some 3.5 tennis though. I actually believe I can do this now.

Truth

2009-04-14T21:54:00.003-05:00

There are a bunch of people up in arms about ... stuff. It's nothing all that new.

Racism ...

sexism ...

politics ...

economic theory ...

theology ...

... and I'm just smiling right now. I worry a little more than I should, maybe ... but I know that the truth just is. No amount of protest or voting or legal wrangling or dishonest science or rhetoric or desire can change it.

Remembering that always helps me relax just a little.

Dare ya to just stick on this one for a bit

2009-03-07T11:49:00.001-06:00

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.
Iris Murdoch

Sea Ice - really I don't care so much. This is Iowa.

2009-02-20T09:58:00.003-06:00

It seems some of the recent global warming frenzy may have been based upon faulty data.

Oh, no! The ice is melting! The ice is melting!

Fact: The two articles above cannot both be true.

Fact: One of them must be WRONG!

Liklihood: Global warming enthusiasts will be undaunted by the discovery that their projections were based upon flawed data.

Prediction: Increased Sea Ice will become a new indicator of global warming -- wait! I think it already is!! ... I'm not much of a scientist really, but it does seem a little weird that all roads lead to the same findings. It makes me wonder whether some scientists are really salesmen. (no offense to salesmen intended)

How do we get judges removed again??

2009-02-19T07:21:00.002-06:00

"When the judged sentenced the former elementary school principal from Harlan, he used the words "dehumanizing and demonizing."U.S. District Judge Robert Pratt was not talking about Stroschein. He was referring to the sentence.Pratt used the sentencing to renew his criticism of mandatory prison terms set by Congress. He said such requirements negate a judge's common sense and judgment." -- from today's Des Moines Register

I must disagree. I think we need mandatory minimums to protect us from this judge's lack of common sense. ... and I think we should watch this guy a little closer since he apparently doesn't think soliciting little girls for sex is bad enough to warrant 10 years in prison.

The demise of Black Cherry Vanilla Coke

2009-02-17T19:47:00.002-06:00

Every time I find something I like it seems to get discontinued. The other examples are a bit fuzzy just now, but they'll come back to me later.

Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke has been gone for quite a while now, but there is (was) a corresponding Bonne Bell lip gloss that's just the right little bit of tint to accompany the casual baseball cap type of outfits.

I always grab them when I see them -- usually in a 7-pack containing other 'soda' flavored sticks, but when I was at Target today I noticed they've got some new packaging and there's no more Black Cherry Vanilla. Very sad.

Back2School

2009-01-09T06:24:00.003-06:00

It's Friday! ... I sorta didn't realize how much stuff I postponed until 'the kids were back in school', so it was a kinda nutty week. I haven't been HOME one night this week!

Arg.

Collin passed his permit test on the first try, so now we're riding helplessly along in the passenger seat while he learns how to drive. I'm so not a good driving teacher!

Please open the schools!

2009-01-02T17:10:00.003-06:00

I want to vote for year-round school with no more than three weeks of vacation at the most. Somebody PLEEZ run for school board and get this maternal sanity conservation issue passed soon!

***

I haven't been posting cuz I was thinking I should focus my efforts on the annual Farrell Update (silly Christmas Letter) but I just haven't done it and it's not that there isn't any material, it's just that I have a case of writer's block.

***

We did survive Christmas and I did find a few nice peaceful days in there somewhere, but I want my regular life back now. Seriously:-)

I'd write more, but SOMEBODY is hungry. I'm not even kidding.

Lost Kitty, Found Kitty, Dead Kitty

2008-12-04T06:49:00.003-06:00

The saga of the Farrell (not feral) cats continues.

Sora, a.k.a. loudmouth, wandered away sometime in mid September and after a call to the city shelter and a few weeks we figured he was gone for good. I suggested to the kids that someone from Glen Oaks (the gated community accross the road) probably kidnapped him and he was living the indoor cat life now. Turns out I wasn't too far off.

Kinnick, the smallest of the spring kittens remaining, disappeared mid November, and a call to the city shelter revealed that he had been picked up near our home.

"I've got your orange and white cat too." (sora/loudmouth)

Surprise! after two months he was not only there, but fat and lazy and up for adoption!

He was living the indoor cat-life afterall, though the accomodations were different. The city shelter isn't what you'd expect. They don't keep the cats in cages, they just let them roam around. It's amazing to me that they all seem to get along.

Less than a week later, Jocelyn goes out to the barn on her way to the stop and comes back with a dead and partially frozen cat. Kinnick. Bummer. I have no idea what happened to him -- some disease or another I suppose. He's never seemed to be the healthiest cat:-(

Why my daughter does not share the almost universal aversion to carrying dead animals around I don't know. Poor kitty.

So we're back to five again, and no, they're still not allowed in the house!

Marking the Divide - Homeless in Iowa

2008-12-03T06:49:00.003-06:00

The de-struction of the homeless shanties continues today ... as the snow falls ... someone should be writing a screenplay or something.

We're assured that there is shelter space available, but for some this will be unacceptable and they will stubbornly camp, and hopefully not freeze, though I'm sure the existence is anything but comfortable. (wouldn't it be better to head South? ... just sayin')

What's the solution? Why is the homeless shelter not an option? I've seen people get on their feet with the assistance of the shelter and social services advocates. The assistance in place can and does work. Why won't some people do what they need to do to survive and at what point do we leave people to their choices OR declare them incompetent and make decisions on their behalf?

... but the point here is the break from reality/delusional thinking now being promoted by our lovely local newspaper (some synonym for newspaper beginning with L would have been fun here but none comes to mind) Today we're quoting the benevolent builder who may sue the city and somehow believes it unjust to tear down the structures. We're also quoting one of the displaced as he describes the structure as his home. See ... here's where we break down. How do these people not grasp that there's a problem with building a home on land that isn't yours and believing that one possesses any rights of ownership. I have to side with the city on this one, and question whether the folks organizing to sue would care to host a homeless hut on their lawn. No? ... okay, so ... can I say hypocrite!?

We have a choice, but it's not the one you think.

Which is more important, ensuring the personal freedom of individuals or ensuring that no one goes without dinner and sleeps indoors? I don't believe we can have both.

Des Moines Homeless back out on the streets

2008-12-02T13:51:00.003-06:00

Some days it's hard to be a republican - Christian.

There are homeless camps 'down by the river' in Des Moines. I haven't visited them personally, but had been to the Churches United shelter a few times -- you really can't draw a box around these homeless folks. They're not all the same.

Some catholic guy organized a few people to build shanties for them out of scrap lumber and stuff. No plumbing, no electricity, but four walls (I'm guessing) and a woodburning stove. Not much, but a step up from a cardboard box or dumpster or tent. The buildings were not up to code, of course, and they were on city property too, another problem ... some dude kicked over a propane heater in his sleep and ... BOOM ... eviction notices and the dismantling of these 'homes'. I won't argue that they shouldn't be torn down. You can't just build something on somebody else's land. But you can't just push people aside either.

Interesting to note that it takes 60 days (I think) to evict someone from a rental property and 6 months to foreclose on a home in Iowa. If you live in a shack down by the river you get nuthin.

I tend to run on the jaded side of things -- not really that much of a bleeding heart and more of a get a job and get your act together sort of thinker, but seriously, all these building codes and taxes do an awful lot to keep the cost of shelter out of range for a minimum wage earning single soul.

Snow Turkey!

2008-12-01T08:30:00.003-06:00

The kids are back at school after 5 days off. FIVE DAYS!!! Ugh!

Except for Wednesday I kept myself away from work-work and tried to just hang out with the family. Jocelyn and I went on a country-style shopping trip with Aunt Tammy and Grandma K. on Saturday. Lets just say it was a 'new experience'. :-)

The first stop was at a barn on a family farm in Guthrie County ... sorry I forgot the name of this one, but it was basically like a folkart giftshop in the middle of nowhere. Aunt Tammy ran into her best buddy from H.S., so we were there for awhile. Jocelyn and I finally took refuge in the car because alternating between the scented candle smell inside and the piggly wiggly smell outside (we were on a real actual farm) was bothering our city-sensitive noses.

Then we stopped at Chuck's Bargain Barn. It's another similarly situated barn-type building right next to someone's farmhouse and otherwise out in the middle of nowhere. Chuck (I assume) must have hit every garage sale, estate sale and auction in the state since 1965 and has something close to 4000 square feet of STUFF to show for it. If you're missing a piece from your 1970's libbey glassware, corelle casserole set ... or if you just like funky colored glass and mother's day collector plates ... Chuck probably has it.

Interestingly enough, we were not the only shoppers.

There are definitely two Iowas!

We got our first snow Saturday night and Sunday too ... a nice slippery - slidey sort that should provide a nice boost to the towing and autobody shops.

No accidents for us, but we couldn't get up the hill just South of our house at the end of a semi-treacherous drive home from Guthrie. (I love the farm so much that I'd rather risk being stranded in a snowbank than spend the night there) The kids and I walked up the hill while Lance took the alternate route.

And now -- back to work!

Prayer & Encouragement

2008-11-13T09:15:00.002-06:00

Prayers and encouragement for my new friend, Didi (see link right) as she struggles to get through icky memories and such.

boys and men

2008-11-12T12:27:00.002-06:00

It really creeps me out that it's 'okay' with a certain percentage of our population that teenage boys and middle-aged women are sometimes having sexual relationships with each other. There's the whole MILF lingo and the line of pretty young teachers on the news with accompanying debates about whether it's as bad as the reverse situation which has been almost universally declared to be creepy. Seriously, 14 year old boys are still kids, right?

I have a 13 year old at home and while I know there will be big changes in the next few years I still think the first thought bubble to appear over the head of any woman over the age of 30 who sees my boy should contain the word 'kid' and should definitely not contain the word 'sexy'.

I'm reminded of a comedian who played at Funny Bone every few months when I worked there. His stage name was Uncle Larry and his tagline was, "It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy."

It's worse than you might think Uncle Lar. (sigh)

What's Good about Obama's victory?

2008-11-06T11:24:00.003-06:00

Whew! The election is over and I'm grateful the results were clear and decisive and we won't be waiting for recounts and rulings. I do wish the whole thing had turned out differently, but it didn't, and responsible conservatives need to recognize that and resist the temptation to continually re-hash the stuff of campaigns.

Barack Obama will be our next president. I hope he's ready. I hope he listens to all voices and thinks things through. I hope his leadership will be respected. I trust our system of government to work.

(repeat that last sentence as needed)

Barack Obama is our first non-white president. (I've lost track of the most politically correct label ...) This really really really is a good thing. We're barely a generation past the civil rights movement. There's certainly still much racism alive in our country, but clearly it is an attitude that's dying out. If all white americans were racist he could not have been elected. Since he was elected, all white americans are not racist. Some are, still, but we should be celebrating progress. This is a giant step.

Barack Obama is loved by the media. There's something warm and cozy and safe about being in a country that respects its leader. George W. didn't enjoy that. Barack Obama will, and that will be a good thing. The majority of americans swallow whole whatever they hear on the news. For the past 8 years that's been a lot of poison. I don't mean that people won't disagree and question and challenge. Those things are healthy. I hope and pray that those in a position to do so will not degrade the office of the presidency when they do it.

I have a few friends on the left side of the political spectrum. At the end of the day we hope for the same results, it's just that we don't agree on the best way to get there. It's easy to lose sight of that.

Why a Blog is better than a journal on your hard drive

2008-10-29T07:22:00.003-05:00

In the past month my family has blown up two laptops! One Mac and one PC. Lance and Myself. Jocelyn's refurbished Thinkpad is still humming along and she uses it to play on club penguin and watch movies and sometimes questionable youtube videos.

I lost some pictures, maybe, and a few hours of work. Lance lost his entire journal:-( ... He shoulda used a blog!!

In my case I knew it was coming and preordered a new Thinkpad, but when it arrived I realized the foolishness of thinking 1gig of memory would be enough to run Vista Business and, well, anything else. Vista and Outlook alone were pushing me to 95% and leaving way too much wait time (potential distraction time) for my ADD self.

After a week of not being able to accomplish a darned thing ... I'm back! WOOHOO! 4gig makes Vista almost tolerable, though I read today that they're ditching it altogether and will soon release Windows 7. 7. interesting.

Our tennis team's first match is coming up on Saturday. Hopefully I'll have a good report!

I'm a little stressball ...

2008-10-11T21:22:00.002-05:00

I don't have the rest of the lyrics yet, but I'm thinkin' something to the tune of "I'm a little teapot ..."

So I played a one-match tennis tournament today. I won 6-3, 6-1 ... but I couldn't relax the whole match. I hate stress. I hate stress. I hate stress.

Do you think I can have my adrenal gland removed?

Seriously, can you imagine trying to hit a tennis ball with tunnel vision?!

I was playing much more relaxed, but last week let a match slip away when I was up 6-3, 3-0. It shouldn't be an easy thing to get to that point and lose the match. (6-3, 3-6, tb10-12) ... but I did it.

So I was scared to death of losing this match today. I was trying to tell myself through the warmup that I could win it. ... I won it, but not with anything approaching great tennis. It was a rather slow-motion tennis sort of thing consisting of a lot of floating type shots and a bunch of errors. Yuck. I'm pretty sure we've both had better days.

Another Depression?

2008-10-08T13:25:00.002-05:00

Okay, seriously, somebody needs to go back and take a closer look at what it was really like.

True desperation.

This ... isn't even close. What we could possibly be heading toward, still, not even close. This country, culture, nation, isn't what it used to be. It's entirely different. Too different, I'd argue, to make a better vs. worse type of comparison.

Government entitlement programs actually DO provide a safeguard against the actual desperate sort of poverty. I'm not sure when the list of necessities shifted to include the sorts of things that used to be called luxuries. I don't have the best attitude about this, probably ... so I won't make a list ...

I'm struck by the news this morning of a murder/suicide (a n o t h e r ONE) somewhere in a gated community in California. Did this happen before? ... during the GREAT depression? ... did it happen with so much frequency? What was really going on in this ... family?

Are people less resourceful ... tough ... capable ... than we used to be?

Are we less resilient? I'm afraid so. I'm AFRAID so.

If conditions in this country were to sink to a level in any way similar to the early 30s ... I'm not at all comfortable we'd survive it.

We've given people quite a safety net ... foodstamps ... foodbanks ... wellfare ... shelters ... title 19 ... and maybe more. I'm no expert on this stuff, but am somewhat greatful for its existence.

The real poverty we face is in our hearts, not our wallets. The government can't give us the confidence and determination and courage and discipline we need to get by in a tough world. People are hurting. More people may soon be hurting. Money can't fix it.

All this cuz I'm a little annoyed that the "news" scares our kids into thinking the sky is falling ... again.

Change. Yeah, right.

Voter Qualification

2008-10-04T19:28:00.003-05:00

I haven't had much to say lately. I can't sit still long enough I guess.

I just read a NY Times piece that I won't bother to link that suggested that all of the foreclosures are going to affect the election since so many of the forclosed upon may not be able to vote since they no longer live where they lived and maybe don't get to vote where they used to vote.

Wah!

I have an even better idea. Let's make prospective voters jump through a single hoop:

1. Have an actual legal identity. (i.e. a VISA, MC, AMEX or DISCOVER card)

Seriously, the government has no idea, but VISA probably knows who you are and where you are:-)

I know it would hurt voter turnout if we cut out the dead people and fictional people, oh, and the people who can't get a major credit card, but should they really be voting anyway?

The stuff my mom wouldn't buy me

2008-09-26T17:27:00.002-05:00

Remember FrankenBerry, BooBerry and Count Chocula? I begged for them every time the commercial came on, but my mother wouldn't keep them in stock. Once in awhile she'd get Count Chocula for my sister and Franken Berry for me.

Well, today they were at the checkout stations at Target. Impulse buy (sigh). So I just had a bowl of BooBerry and a bowl of FrankenBerry ... probably enough sugar for the day, huh?

Played somewhat better tennis today after a rather harsh a** chewing from coach Gary. Ugh, so I'm pretty much demoted from singles to water-girl until further notice. Crud.

Laundry, Braces and Football

2008-09-22T07:30:00.002-05:00

The boy got braces on last Thursday, I still can't figure out where to store extra sheets and towels and blankets in this house and my kid is always off practicing football where he recently ended up with somebody else's pants and girdle because he's kinda pokey and disorganized about getting dressed and getting his bag packed up.

I guess I should be glad he actually still has pants.

The plan was for a lol around the house and do nothing sort of weekend, but Friday night it worked out to have dinner with Fritz and Laura (turns out I hadn't seen Laura since June but see Fritz every Wednesday morning at the post-pigs coffee gathering). Saturday we went to Lou's to listen to 70s Saturday night and drink wine. Small parties are okay with me:-) and the wine went down smooth and easy since I was relaxed and so I ended up even moreso and Sunday ... ouch ... Sunday I pretty much just wanted to curl up in a little ball and die for the first few hours and never did really acheive full speed for the day.

... needed to take a day off from tennis anyhow. My old age is probably contributing to some overuse type soreness in the shoulder area. (the other factor would be the ridiculously mechanically incorrect things I end up doing when I try to hit an overhead) I don't think I've done enough damage at this point to require a big rest or surgery or anything, but the consequences are a little bigger in tennis than taekwondo when one is injured, so I'm really hoping to avoid that.

Did I say before that I was good at smashing overheads when I was a kid? I was. ... that's the way I remember it anyway ... could be they were more often the shorter/in front of you sort that still aren't that tough.

A couple of curiously frustrating matches this weekend too. Friday I got to play the 11 year old again. (the one that hits with more pace than any of the ladies and some of the men that I play with) The first time she clobbered me 1 and 0. In practice the other day we played a tiebreaker 5-10 and another set 1-6. Friday I found myself up 3-1 (possibly because I listened to coach Gary ... maybe) then ended up winning a set 6-1. She didn't really want to play a second set, and maybe I shoulda been happy to stop there too since when we finally did start up again 20 minutes later I lost 3-6 and then 6-10 for the tiebreaker. Still, a healthy improvement over 1 and 0.

Darren and I lost to the Camerons and end up 2nd place on the 2nd division mixed city ladder thing Saturday morning ... then I played another lady off the 1st division women's singles ladder. I'd been thinking about calling her, but she called me to sub for PDL and also wanted to play singles. Turns out I wasn't the person she thought she was calling ... oh well. I was up 3-1 again and really shoulda been able to hold that all the way to 6-1, 6-1 or so, but instead I slipped up and scratched out the first set 6-4 and lost the second one 3-6 and she didn't want to play a third or even a tiebreaker.

What's with the not wanting to finish matches??

Ouch

2008-09-15T07:03:00.003-05:00

Proof that I'm not 18. I subbed for a ladies doubles thing Friday. It's kinda weird ... 8 games with each of the other three people as your partner. I won 17 games. ... that after intentionally not winning a handful because I can't stand playing with a partner who makes blatantly bad line calls. Nobody's perfect, but you just can't be calling balls out that were clearly on the INSIDE of the line!! So I'm definitely playing way stronger than last spring.

Anyway, the doubles thing isn't all that physically demanding, so I went from there to cardio with new guy Daniel who leads it more like a practice/clinic than cardio -- which if fine. Preferred actually since the normal pace of cardio makes it tough to hit well. After that I hit for 10 minutes with one of the other cardio regulars.

Later that evening my whole right arm was seized up in a kind of knot. Ouch! At first I was afraid I'd caught a wicked case of tennis elbow, but I eventually got everything loosened up except my shoulder. Kept heat on it for awhile, which helped, and tried to stretch it out. I still had good range of motion without pain but it still just ached and felt tight. (TRIED to get a massage out of hubby-man to no avail)

... took Saturday off ... more heat ... then played a mixed match on Sunday (yesterday) with different racquet (same but strung more recently) and now I feel fine. How's that for weird?!

I did soak in the hottub with my girlie last night ...

I also left the other racquet to be restrung with something softer and 5lbs lighter just in case the super-tight string setup is part of the problem. The fresher racquet felt way different too, so it maybe was just dead strings ... who knows?

I was going for high-middle stringing at 63 within suggested range of 55-65. But my 1/8 grip racquet actually has 50-60 imprinted on it. (who ever heard of a diff't recommendation for the smaller grip!?) That and the string company says to string this string (luxilon ace) 10% looser anyway.

So I'm gonna try something more standard (Prince duraflex 17) at 58lbs and see if I can still hit the ball and if it might feel better.

Oh yeah, Darren and I won 2-6, 6-3,7-5

If I could ...

2008-09-08T06:37:00.002-05:00

If I could talk about work here I'd write something that might explain WHY I'm feeling frazzled, but I can't.

If I could figure out exactly HOW the NTRP rating calculations work I'd do that too. It's an interesting puzzle actually. I kinda wish taekwondo would have done something similar. After the league meeting thing I understand the basics, but there are too many unknown variables to pin it down. (I think)

I'll have to self-rate when I 'join' the team on the tennislink site, and/but my self-rating will be superceded by my computer rating from summer tournament play. (IF what the local coordinator person told me is/was correct) ... not sure how the dynamic rating deal can even work if I don't have a starting point. So, I'm thinking she's wrong, actually.

In any case, only matches against computer rated (C,T,B) players count. Of which I've got two -- against the same player. I lost 1-6, 2-6 and then a week later won 6-4,4-6,1-0. Don't ask.

Good grief. I'm thinking once a player is in the system for awhile it becomes fairly stable, but as a new player the whole thing can be a bit, ummm, volatile!

Crud, I think I've been here before!

2008-09-03T22:24:00.002-05:00

So, I'm about to blow up in two different directions. They don't seem different, but they are.

... related only in so much as the first one maybe weakened me a bit and left me a bit more vulnerable.

More vulnerable, maybe, but still inevitable. There's a limit to how extroverted an introvert can manage to be. Other factors maybe moved that line an inch or two, but that's all.

It's just me.

Tennis Update

2008-08-29T06:53:00.002-05:00

I finally get to play today after TWO WHOLE DAYS of nothing. I did go hit serves for an hour or so each day, but it just doesn't quite seem like enough.

Much needed though:-)

Fighting blue-belt in a tournament this weekend, mostly because there isn't a green-belt division. (i do mean tennis and i figure 3.5 is like blue-belt and i like the tkd language of fighting instead of playing)

The whole coach thing has settled down and I think the current setup is working better as I've really improved quite a bit this summer. I did get a chance to play a practice match with an 11 yr old girl who's aiming to be the next youngster to win Wimbledon. She might be, actually, with a little more work and maturity.

We played a few good points but mostly I got schooled by a sub-100lb little thing who gets out of school early to play tennis. I only got a game, but I think in a couple of months I can make it a match.

Save the Peanuts!

2008-08-28T08:13:00.002-05:00

In heaven I'm gonna eat a grilled pbj sandwich every day. I might do alternate days and have grilled peanut butter and banana on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So, the school peanut policy came home with my daughter yesterday and my bad attitude is resurfacing ... again. It seems so harmless at first, no peanuts, no peanut butter and no foods containing peanuts. It gets quickly complicated by the fact that parents are no longer trusted to make food at home and must buy either pre-packaged crap or pricey pre-packaged non-crap. It doesn't stop there, because the folks who pre-package have to cover their nuts (I mean butts) so there's tons of non-peanut stuff that says "may contain traces of peanuts" including the pre-made and ingredient labeled cupcakes from Target and Dahl's and Hy-Vee. Yes, I checked ALL THREE trying to find acceptable treats for my girly's birthday last spring.

... can't help but wonder how this affects the peanut farmer, the price of a Snickers bar, the continued availability of the Snickers bar ...

I wonder if a decrease in peanut butter sales has any impact on grape jelly sales?

If 1 in 200 persons has a food allergy and only 1-2% of food allergies are of the life threatening variety ... and this includes some foods besides peanuts ... how on earth did we get hornswaggled into banning practically an entire FOOD GROUP to accomodate 1 kid in 20,000?!?!

About not finishing a book

2008-08-27T06:17:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I met with potential editor/advisor/helper person and had what shoulda been about an 80 hour project to get the ball moving. I can't do it. ... or haven't been able to I should say.

It's unbelievable the number of distractions that have come my way since March. I sit down with the manuscript and I can't focus -- at all.

I did get some of it changed around and wrote a little bit, but I'm seriously STUCK now.

Grrrr ...

More Batman for fun!

2008-08-26T07:22:00.005-05:00

Harvey Dent- “Chance is the only reality in this cruel world. Unprejudiced. Unbiased. Fair.”

Kids have an inate sense of fairness. They know who got more turns on the merry-go-round and who got the most cookies. We think everything's gotta be fair, and when we say fair what we really mean is even.

Life doesn't come out even. We don't all get the same life, the same exact number of fun things and good things and rotten things and painful things. We get life. Beyond that it's either a random assortment of stuff -- or maybe we reap what we sow -- or maybe our lives are full of providencial provision.

We get in trouble the second we pin our belief about the stuff of life on any one of these. It's a little of all three really. Our hometown Olympic hero, Shawn Johnson, didn't win medals because God chose her at birth to go to Bejieng. He gave her some gifts such that she had potential not a lot of other people have, but there are some several hundred other little girls in the USA who have the same physical gifts. Maybe she worked harder. Maybe she had the advantage of better coaching. Maybe her God-given gifts and her very human determination and a little bit of luck all got together so there could be a butter olympian at the Iowa State Fair.

It's not fair, if we consider fair to mean even ... and if we consider the consequences of a fair world on those terms, well, it'd be pretty boring if we were all the same -- if all of our experiences were even.

Grown ups tend to take a different side. Fairness becomes something else. Even isn't fair anymore. We want what we deserve. We expect our hard work to be rewarded and when we see a homeless person we assume they're right where they deserve to be. We need to believe the world is safe and that nothing bad can happen to us because, well -- because we're pretty good and we're generally nice to people and we work hard and we've paid our dues.

But that version of fairness doesn't happen reliably either. Talent often overcomes hard work and sometimes people just get lucky. And the other side of the coin is ugly. If we believe we get what we deserve then what about the bad stuff? Do we deserve that too?

So is chance fair? or not?

Lost and Found

2008-08-23T17:18:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I unraveled the mystery of the missing sunglasses. (girlie was left alone in the car too long, claimed the shades and left them at her friend's house) I have reclaimed the sunglasses and still can't figure out how I lost the case in DC, but I did.

I've started cleaning my house, which was left virtually untouched throughout the entire first three days of school. It's not easy to figure out where to start so I'm just going in bursts of 10 things or so.

... and I've gotta fuss just a little about the swamp friend's use of the stupid kiddie tennis balls in cardio yesterday. Pbbbblt!! It's funny for about 3 minutes, stupid for the next 2 and pretty much intolerable after that.

My remaining mysteries for today are both text msg related. (I can't help wondering just now what my life would be like if we only had face2face and landlines with which to communicate)

1. What exactly does it mean when a msg ends with "right in the middle o"? Okay, right in the middle 'of' ... what? Breakfast? Traffic?

Hypothetical question: If one were to cross the center line and hit a big scary truck head on while composing a text message, would the message be sent in its incomplete form or lost as the phone shattered to bits? ... just wondering.

2. Is there any established txt protocol for what to do about erroneously received messages that were clearly intended for a different party? Is it best to ignore them? What if the message was important and doesn't get to the intended recipient because the sender doesn't know they sent it to you?

So again, I'm remembering the old rotary dial phone with the long coiled cord and thinking that all of this modern ease has only made life more complicated.

Joy Busters

2008-08-23T12:12:00.002-05:00

Some days it's easier to hang on, ya know?

... and I'm thinking it's a little funny how the big blows don't shake me as much as the little ones sometimes.

I'm in such a funk today, cuz I can't find my sunglasses and my mph gauge on the dash switched to kilometers per hour (which I didn't figure out until after I'd spent a day getting after myself for speeding).

I'm kinda wondering what's up with God these days too. I'm seein' plenty enough evidence of evil lately. It seems to be winning. I guess that's a bigger deal than sunglasses and such, but I still think my steps would be lighter if I could just find my shades!!

First Day of School - Paddling the kids

2008-08-20T05:46:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I had no idea! (click link)

Gotta love Yahoo news for bringing new ideas to my attention. I did not know that there was a place in the USA where teachers could still paddle kids. Stunning.

I'm not anti-spanking. I think it's no accident that tushies are relatively soft and able to absorb a fairly hefty swat without injury. ... but I'd prefer to paddle my own kids thank you very much!

***

A hopefully not related topic -- FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL today!

I'll be celebrating at Starbucks in ... exactly two hours and twenty minutes.

Ready, set, GO!!!!

Strangely

2008-08-18T08:33:00.002-05:00

The Joker: I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger.

The back-to-school panic has begun, and it's one of those occasions that helps to bring my various ... strangeness ... to the surface. (sigh) So try again in two or three weeks should you happen to be looking for me. It's not you, it's me:-)

On the topic of 'things that didn't quite kill us' it seems I've had a run of acquaintances dropping into residential care and/or more intensive outpatient type stuff. It's kinda depressing really, and frustrating too, cuz I still believe it's not the stuff itself that causes the strangeness.

It's the response -- our own and others.

Secrets, shame, silence, self-hatred ...

The snake hisses: sssssssssssssssss

This Joker quote from The Dark Knight is curious I think. --a true twist on the popular cliche 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' no, not necessarily. All too often it leaves us weakened and vulnerable and afraid. I think the Joker had it right this time.

Telling, Forgiving and Healing

2008-08-09T07:51:00.003-05:00

I'm convinced more than ever that therapy is really somewhere between 'a waste of time' and 'dangerous'. I'd like to be better at playing along. I know the folks who administer (as well as make a living from) all of this THERAPY have more letters near their names than I do. Some of them are probably even smarter:-)

I might even go so far as to say therapy sometimes works. Sometimes just isn't good enough, and I'm tired of talking to people who've been emotionally battered by bad therapy and/or had their weak/incomplete emotional boundaries trampled to nothing in 'group' therapy.

So I've talked to several people this summer who worry that if they come to SetPhree someone (me, probably) is going to MAKE them speak the toxic words that describe their abuse experience(s) ... or MAKE them forgive their abuser(s) ... etc. Sheesh!

Do I think it helps to unload the secrets? Yes. I think the words are toxic and that the poison is best removed in human relationship, but that need not happen at SP and it might not happen in therapy ... and I don't think the point is to force the words out to acheive healing. I think the idea is to gain understanding that aleviates shame so that the words can come out in a healthy relationship without causing a major traffic accident.

Do I think it helps to forgive? Yes. I think forgiveness is an important (and late) step in the healing process. Jesus clearly says we should do it. I don't think forgiveness should be coerced. I wouldn't think that would be actual forgiveness -- more like some sort of unhealthy emotional pretending in response to emotional blackmail soup.

It's a carts before horses sort of thing. Our work is to love people and introduce them to/encourage them to focus on a relationship with Jesus. He is well qualified to take it from there. ... and when He does, secrets dissolve and forgiveness happens.

2008-08-08T06:38:00.002-05:00

Link to Facebook blog page

Click here and then ... shoot ... join or confirm or whatever, just look for signing up sorts of words. It won't hurt, I promise:-)

Knoxville Nationals

2008-08-08T06:17:00.003-05:00

Sprint cars, in case you didn't know.

In a former life, like, from age 11 to 18, I didn't miss a race. Sprint car racing was my weekend, every weekend, and I loved every second.

Lance and I got to go to the races last night, one of the qualifying nights leading up to the big deal on Saturday. I won't be there Saturday -- unless someone calls me up and has an extra ticket. Lance isn't really into it, so I'm not seeing any big resurgence in my sprint car involvement.

What amazes me is that Sammy Swindell and Steve Kinser are STILL there. I mean, seriously, it's been twenty-some years! They should be watching from the suites atop turn 2 or 1 or wherever they want. It must still be fun.

Facebook

2008-08-07T07:19:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm not even sure what the point is, but I added this blog to facebook thinking it would just be a link back to the blog -- no -- it's more like the blog has it's own facebook page now. Except that it needs 15 friends/fans to even count!! So, please be my fan. I'd offer better instructions if I had them, but I think you've got to go to your facebook, add a tab (blog networks) and then find me. Good luck.

Sometimes they don't bounce.

2008-08-05T15:30:00.004-05:00

I'm bummed cuz I busted a stick this morning. It just slipped out of my hand on a serve. I wasn't even going for anything big. Coach Gary thought they (midwest sports) might replace it for me since it was practically NEW! Dunno why they would though. I wouldn't want to if I was in the racquet sales business.

So I ordered two more, only they only had one more of the 07 model, so I get one 08 model with a $25 sympathy discount. ... better than nuthin'.

A word of caution: Yonex super grap feels nice, but it gets pretty slimy on hot/humid dayz, so I'm back to my old-school Tournagrip for the summer.

Pomegranate Invasion

2008-08-04T08:02:00.002-05:00

It wasn't that long ago that 9 out of 10 people didn't know what a pomegranate is. Maybe they still don't, but they're popping up everywhere.

Even the tootsie pop. Remember when it was just chocolate, grape, orange, raspberry or cherry? I was stunned to discover a pomegranate flavored tootsie pop yesterday.

I think I still like grape the best.

Back2SKOOL

2008-08-03T08:16:00.002-05:00

I am soooo not prepared for this. I was finally getting used to SUMMER and now it's almost over. Crud!!

When did time start flying by so darned fast!?!?!?!

I've been hunting for outdoor chair cushions -- ugly ones -- for the treehouse, and everywhere I go it's crayons and pencils and folders and lunchboxes. Seriously, how many girls really want a Hannah Montana lunchbox?

Football camp (for the boy) starts Monday.

I don't even know when the first day of school is. Soon, I imagine. ... better go look it up.

Lance and I are headed to Knoxville next Thursday to watch the sprint cars go 'round in some circles. -- one of the qualifying nights if I remember correctly. I think from about 1979 to 1988 I didn't miss a dozen races at Knoxville. Seriously, I was there EVERY saturday night from April to October -- unless of course I was at an Outlaw race somewhere else:-)

Unspoken

2008-08-02T10:08:00.010-05:00

It's so easy to sink back into an old groove, ya know? It's the same, regardless of whether we're talking about a golf swing, a tennis stroke, a roundhouse kick ... or in this case how I interact with different sorts of people ... and in this even more specific case, men.

(no matter how much I think I've changed, the old habits are still lurking in muscle memory somehow)

I said once to Pastor Mike, at the way early beginning of this journey, that I wasn't shy, I just didn't like people. At the time I was basically just tossing of some little verbal smoke screen because I didn't want to admit to being shy. It was mostly true, in a way, I was afraid of people--of trusting people with any vulnerability--and contempt makes for an easy mask to cover what is actually fear. ... and as much as it's not possible to read a person's mind when you think you most want to, sometimes a single look holds more than a whole big mess of words could ever begin to communicate.

... and I was angry as much as hurt when the weekend sermon hit me a little too close to the heart. [how can you claim to be a Christian and not like people?]

Jesus commands that we love each other. There's no disputing that. It's also true that if one is committed to personal safety of the emotional variety, love is risky. Contempt is not.

It's probably a head-scratcher why I'm more comfortable with men ... always have been ... and it's hard to explain why or how. I guess it boils down to my having been bitten more by women than men in the heart-safety sort of way.

***

Hope is a good practice field for loving people. I've learned much and loved much and it's entirely changed my perspective on people. Contempt is replaced by compassion and fear by faith. ... and at some point it's time to leave the practice field behind and see what it's like to love in a world that doesn't reliably love you back. (I can only wince as I write that)

***

Without being specific enough to ID those who might not want to be featured in my semi-public thoughts, I got hurt. After a year of working with a man on a regular basis, I got attatched, and though I was careful about my boundaries (with respect to appropriate physical and emotional limits for a male/female friendship) and this particular man is the sort of rare type who is clearly masculine (as in no one likely suspects him of being not *interested* in women) and kind and engaging without being flirtatious or sexual. ... and there are some who've already cautioned me and claim that it's always there even if I don't see it. (okay, I hear ya, but I disagree)

My friend/ex-friend's woman is of the alternate camp it seems, and to get to the point, when I made my best effort to assuage her discomfort in as loving and open a manner as possible (as in I didn't resort to defensive tactics) and the ex-friend's woman didn't even hesitate to hit me where it hurt -- and yes, she knew it would hurt because I pretty much spelled it out and offered up the vulnerability. (I'm wincing again ... and I'd probably be angry if I didn't feel sorry for them for the apparent insecurities)

I'm a little disappointed with myself today, though, cuz I've been wanting to have some small conversation with friend/ex-friend concerning my disappointment and belief that I was treated unfairly (as in I didn't deserve to be lied to) and when I had the clearest opportunity yesterday I walked out on it without saying a word -- leaving far too much unspoken.

The real kicker though, is that I'm working with a different man now, of an entirely different (and far more dangerous to me) sort. New guy isn't a bad guy, at all. He has a good heart and he's not a creep, but he's much more obviously interested in women, regardless of marital status, etc. To be clear, it's not that he's been inappropriate with me at all, but there's an intensity and an air of defiance that I sense could lead to trouble. ... and this is where old habits come through and I start to manage the more challenging dynamic my way, because something in me fears that His way might not be right this time. (ya know it just seems silly when I write it out sometimes)

So new-guy says to me the other day, "I just don't like people." ... and I don't recall whether I said anything at all, but I did smile a little and wonder if I haven't landed in the right place after all.

The Will to Act - Wisdom from the Batcave

2008-07-31T06:53:00.005-05:00

Henri Ducard: Your parents' death was not your fault. [Bruce attacks Ducard with his sword] Henri Ducard: It was your father's. [Bruce furiously attacks Ducard, but is easily defeated]

Henri Ducard: Anger does not change the fact that your father failed to act.

Bruce Wayne: The man had a gun!

Henri Ducard: Would that stop you?

Bruce Wayne: I've had training!

Henri Ducard: The training is nothing! The will is everything! [Ducard bests Bruce once again] Henri Ducard: The will to act.

***

1. Anger (or anything else) doesn't change the facts (truth).

I tend to fall into thinking of good and evil in a sort of yin/yang sense, but it's a trap to see good and evil as opposite and opposing forces. That's a lie.

Good/truth is a more neutral force (not lacking in power). It exists. It is part of the plan -- God's plan. Truth is pure and light -- holy. Truth/goodness can exist without evil, and does, in the person of Christ, in Heaven -- in the beginning.

Deception/lies/evil is only a foil. It has no greater purpose. There is no ideal to which the darkness aspires. It exists ONLY to interfere with Good.

Goodness is fixed -- unchangable. Evil can't change Good. Darkness can't change God -- can't move God -- can't influence God.

Evil isn't fixed. Light doesn't merely do battle with darkness. Light overwhelms darkness -- transforms it.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j] who[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:28-38)

2. "The training is nothing! The will is everything!" I'm not sure if training is really nothing, but it sure isn't much without the will to act. ... and this applies to everything, not just fighting.

9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other. (John 15)

na na na na na na na na Batman!!

2008-07-28T21:59:00.002-05:00

Isn't he cute? The bat-mask is a little creepy from the crush perspective, but I just might have a little crush on Batman without the mask.

It's okay, I ran it by Lance already and he says it doesn't bother him 'cuz he's a fictional character.

... we got to see The Dark Knight in the IMAX at the Nat'l Air and Space Museum in DC. Wow! Best Movie EVER. Gonna go see it again within the next coupla dayz too. :-) :-) :-)

I'd put a pic of the Joker dude here but he really is creepy. The movie ... the Joker actually ... is a perfect portrayal of evil. A good reminder for me. It's easier to recognize Satan when you know what you're looking for.

I won't give away too much, just go already!!

Vacation

2008-07-28T10:47:00.002-05:00

I like my regular life, which is great most of the time. The only time it's not so great is when it's time to go on vacation, as my family did this past week ... or so.

We vacated our regular places and habits (the ones I'm rather fondly attached to) and traveled to a far away foreign place ... to ... have ... fun.

I tried, truly I did, and we did find some fun here and there, if only recognizing the potential of some situations to liven up the annual Farrell Family Christmas letter.

My favorite vacations have always been the sort of quiet retreats where there's no educational or cultural agenda. Vacation ... rest ... relaxation ... fun ... quiet ... peaceful ... you get the idea.

So we went to Washington DC and stayed in a hotel on the wrong side of the Mall that was only one block away from the DC fire station which kept us in touch with pretty much every middle of the night emergency in the DC metro area. Needless to say I'm glad to be home and am presently nursing a mild kidney infection.

Upcoming Anniversary

2008-07-16T07:34:00.002-05:00

In a few days, my friend's 'uncle satan' will celebrate the one month anniversary of his incarceration. She wanted me to update his post to contain the more recent, and higher, bond amounts.

We thinks he'll be behind bars right straight through sentencing ... and beyond:-)

2008-07-16T07:32:00.001-05:00

-->

Name KURT ALAN TROYERBook Date 6/19/2008 8:29 PM
DOB 06/28/1962Height 5' 07"Weight 220Race WhiteSex MaleEyes BrownHair Brown
Address12733 SE 64TH AVE CAMP TWP, IA 50237
Holding LocationMarshal County Jail -Male
Charges
Case #
Description
Bond
Bond Type
FE221096
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$50,000
Cash
FE221096
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$50,000
Cash
FE221096
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$50,000
Cash
FE221096
ASSAULT (INJURY) WITH INTENT TO COMMIT SEX ABUSE
$50,000
Cash
FE221096
INVASION OF PRIVACY-NUDITY
$10,000
Cash

First Tournament

2008-07-14T08:48:00.003-05:00

Okay, so the jitters passed, finally, and I played pretty well. Some mental soft spots -- still (I was down 2-5 in the second set of the final) but I managed to get my head together and hit the ball again.

Still not really controlling points most of the time, but a few glimmers of hope ... enough to keep me playing. ... even if it is just green-belt tennis for now:-(

Results:

NTRP Women's 3.0 Singles

Final
Laurel Farrell d. Connie VanRoekel
6-2; 6-4

SemiFinal
Laurel Farrell d. Lisa Theisen
6-2; 6-1

QFinal
Laurel Farrell d. Cathryn Caldwell
4-6; 6-4; 7-4

NTRP Combined Mixed 7.0 Doubles

R3
Bullard/Farrell d. Terndrup/Terndrup
6-1; 7-6

R2
McGrew/Staudt d. Bullard/Farrell
6-0; 6-3

Nerves

2008-07-12T06:20:00.003-05:00

So, I'm fighting in the green-belt division in this tennis tournament ...

Okay, playing. Maybe it would help me to think about it in terms of a fight or battle though. The adrenaline is killing me. I was so nervous I still had shaky jitters all the way through the first set, which I lost 4-6. I stopped shaking but still couldn't really relax much. I did find a decent serve and basically served my way out of the second set 6-4. Third set we only had to play a tiebreaker, which I won 7-4 thanks again to the serve and my opponent's youth/inexperience.

Sheesh! I'd really like to be playing black-belt tennis soon -- and it wouldn't have to be all that far off if I could shake the anxiety.

Angry

2008-07-10T20:05:00.002-05:00

God definitely has a sense of humor.

I was really angry last night and most of today. Really angry -- at myself mostly, though there's certainly a boilover factor. I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't eat well today.

So of course when it was time to put together the SetPhree study for the day I just couldn't get my heart around 'holiness' which was my plan. So I went with ANGER.

Anger, as it happens, is usually really about something else.

Shame

Hurt

Jealousy

Embarrasment

Frustration

Disappointment

Sadness

Fear

Anxiety

etc. -- these are the ones I remember:-)

So when I connected the dots and acknowledged my anger is coming from disappointment, frustration and embarrasment it sorta, well, faded.

Then the heat and lack of sleep/food/hydration caught up with me and I was way out of whack during what was s'posed to be an hour and a half lesson. So we went an hour with breaks -- and I had chills the last 15minutes. Yikes. I used to be good at heat. (sigh) Maybe next time.

depravity

2008-07-08T05:47:00.004-05:00

As it turns out, we can only see illegal fireworks from here, so NEXT year we'll be trekking along with our lawn chairs in step with some crowd or another.

A quick scan of the headlines makes me wonder if the whole population of the world has gone over the edge. Delinquent children running down other kids with cars making no effort to stop -- Creepy men assaulting and kidnapping their best friend's daughter -- Hoodlums torturing and killing students over a couple of PIN numbers and stuff -- Tutsis picking on Hutus and Star Belly Sneetches picking on Plain Belly Sneetches, etc. Why does the darkness seem to win so often? Why am I wondering if the supposedly fictional Gotham City as portrayed in Batman Begins (and likely the new one too) is less fictional than I'd like it to be? Why are we so mean to each other?

My girl is learning to make movies at the science center this week ...

and one of the boys at the daycamp is from her school ...

and he's not exactly the person she was hoping to see through the summer ...

It started as a joke -- me telling her to make sure she's always kind to the, ahem, geeky kids because they're the ones who grow up to be billionaires like Bill Gates ...

It turned into a much more serious conversation about why we should always be kind to everyone and how it's most difficult to be kind to the people who are mean to us and how that meanness is usually a result of some insecurity and that bullies don't feel good about themselves and so they try to make themselves feel better by making other people feel worse.

So much obvious sense -- yet most of us are still playing out the same dynamic again and again and again. The bullies among us haven't figured out that pushing others down doesn't work and only leaves us isolated and lonely-er. The victims among us haven't figured out that the pusher arounder is acting out of weakness rather than strength -- so we feed the weakness.

Love. Kindness. Compassion.

... just wondering why it's so darned hard sometimes ... why the pull toward darkness is so strong ... why do we lose sight of the greatest truth?

God is God, and he loves me.

What if everyone knew that?

Celebrating ...

2008-07-03T17:18:00.002-05:00

Everybody can't wait for the 3day weekend to start, I know.

... and believe it or not I don't have all that much to say just now, BUT ... I didn't want you to think you're not invited in case Lance didn't call. (because if you know me you already know I don't call ... ever)

So we decided to have a sort of an unofficial party. Not fancy ... nothing really all that planned. Bring a lawn chair and a munchie and we'll have stuff to cook on the grill and some beer and soda and s'mores stuff. ... and of course Lance picked up some fire-on-a-stick sort of stuff while visiting Missouri ... and then we're just gonna see what we can see from our yard.

We should have a good view of Jordan Creek fireworks ... and if Glen Oaks does anything we'll have a front row seat ... DM Golf isn't all that far ... Winterset? Cumming? Who knows, but the fireflies kinda put on a show 'round here too.

:-) Happee Fourth!

Knights in Shining Armor and Such

2008-07-01T06:02:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was out playing tennis with Darren (my mixed dbls partner and regular Monday practice match) and when I reached down to pick up a ball there was a small bug on it. When the bug turned out to be a spider I dropped the ball and screamed. (not a big scream -- just a sort of short little surprised by a spider scream)

I managed the spider just fine after recovering from the shock, but D mocked me with a comment along the lines of "Eek! I'm a girl, don't hit me with the ball!" that sadly fit because somewhere I've picked up a fear of tennis balls (ridiculous) that's led me to dodge rather than defend at a few critical moments -- partly because I can't seem to figure out how exactly to make my FEET respond appropriately to the recognition that the ball will momentarily collide with my face unless something changes.

A few months ago, at the Powerlife retreat, my friend Sally and I were cleaning out our bunkhouse and mopping the floor with this ridiculously grungy mop that couldn't possibly really clean anything when a roach crawled out from inside the mop and she screamed (a short little surprised by a roach scream) and I stepped on it before we continued to smear muddy footprints (and the smushed roach) into oblivion.

So here's my confession: I only squeeled about the spider because there was a man present and somewhere along the way I've acquired this desire to be rescued. I might be conflicted about that however, because Lance is convinced that I would be angry with him if he did. (regarding matters more significant than spiders -- I always send him ahead of me to kill the spiders and he gladly obliges and maybe that's just how we're playing out the whole rescue thing)

But I think something changed in the past few years because there've been a couple situations where I was kinda mad at Lance for NOT coming to my defense and he is confused because he had finally learned that I didn't want his assistance and now it seems that I do.

Faith Enough

2008-06-27T07:39:00.004-05:00

Okay, so if you actually come to SetPhree this is review;-) ... sorta.

So we looked at Matthew 5:3-11 and 2 Corinthians 12:9 along with the lyrics to 'faith enough' a quiet little Jars of Clay tune.

Then we talked about how we do with recognizing our need for God and following through with that and ASKING for help. We also reviewed the same concept ... NEED ... within our close relationships and more casual relationships.

Need. Yup -- see the cartoon? That's me. I tend to think I should be able to handle it on my own. I tend to try really hard to not need much of anything from anybody because I'm afraid to give them a chance to let me down.

my needs, I tend to think, are trivial -- like the 'toon.

... not 100% of the time these days. There is progress, but it remains a big temptation. Living from fear instead of love. Basically that's it. The two don't coexist all that well and if you really look at your interactions with people you'll see that it's very hard to love safely and maybe even tougher to fear lovingly.

It's a risky choice to step out in faith to love ... to let Christ's power shine through our weakness.

The ice is thin enough for walking
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talking
The world is crumbling but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I’m home enough to know I’m lost

It’s just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It’s just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I’m blind

Faith Enough by Jars Of Clay

Supreme Court 5-4 to ban execution for child rape

2008-06-26T06:49:00.003-05:00

I'm honestly not sure what I think about capital punishment sometimes ... maybe death is too easy for the evil folks who rape children and murder people.

It might be good that a lot of people are now carrying on about how bad it is ... to rape children. But maybe not for the survivors so much. --hurting people silently looking for evidence of hope-- To these, the claim that child rape is as bad or worse than murder brings grief. When I looked outside of myself for hope, I found much more confirmation of my wrecked and ruined state than any suggestion that healing was possible.

Healing is possible.

We need to remember to say that ... often.

Robert Williams Convicted of Torturing NYC Grad Student

2008-06-25T17:42:00.003-05:00

I can't comprehend the circumstance and evil that forge such a monster.

Look at him. Can you imagine this man as someone's child, someone's friend, someone's father? It's not a stretch really, is it? How are we supposed to know a monster when we see one?

For 19 hours this man cruelly violated and tortured his 24 year old victim. From the descriptions I think it's safe to assume she'll bear physical scars to go with the emotional ones. She begged him to kill her -- but in the end chose to live, to survive, to use her last effort to save her life.

She is unnamed, as it is our media tradition to protect the victims of sexual violence -- or to encase them more completely in silent shame, depending upon how you look at it. Prayers for her heart today, for her strength and courage and spirit. You are strong. You are brave. You have proven that in your ability to hold your tormentor accountable. Good work. Well done.

Now is the hardest part. Healing.

To heal you will need to set aside the toughness and fire. You will need to abandon safety and relearn to trust. I pray you are strong enough to be weak.

There is no safety in this world, but there is love.

Smelly Things

2008-06-24T17:42:00.003-05:00

So, the alone thing has me a little bored now. I've got things to do that I don't really want to do, so I went shopping today as a form of procrastination. I had some gift certificates from Christmas to burn, a coupl'a books, a new pair of shorts and some clearance finds from The Gap ... and I still had a gift card (peppermint candy scented) from Bath and Body Works.

It was from my husband, and is the sort of gift that makes me wonder whether or not he's been paying attention for the past 15 years. I'm not big on scented things. Scented lotions make the eczema on my hands flare up ... soaps are risky for the same reason ... we even use dye and perfume free laundry detergent because other stuff makes us red-headed Farrell's itch!

So I wandered into the store and started sniffing.

CHOCOLATE AMBER: mmmm yummy, kinda sexy, but I just couldn't get past the idea that I don't want to smell like food so much.

VARIOUS FRUIT BASED FRAGRANCES: brought to mind either Jello or Schnaps, and being covered in either wouldn't seem to leave me feeling ... fresh.

VARIOUS FLORAL FRAGRANCES: God does give us a broad range here, so I can't lump them. Some definitely carried memories, both good and bad, others seemed too overwhelming.

I did find some that I like: MAGNOLIA ... fond memories of the favored climbing tree in my childhood front yard ... PINK GRAPEFRUIT ... questionable for the food/sugariness ... SENSUAL AMBER ... still the nice smell without the chocolate ... NIGHT BLOOMING JASMINE ... actually kinda cool/fresh daytime smelling to me, maybe the nighttimeness of it makes me think cooler.

Quiet

2008-06-22T21:10:00.005-05:00

I left my family at the airport yesterday and I've now been 'home alone' for 36 hours or so. I kinda like 'quiet' and wow, is it ever quiet!

I'm s'posed to be working on finishing the book (for the second time) but I haven't really started yet. I've got an editor helping me out with it a bit and I need to kinda rework the last 33 pages -- which I really already knew but needed someone to tell me:-).

Seriously though, even the dog is quieter ... so quiet I forgot to feed him this morning! So I'm thinking that by morning I will have finally cleared out all of the residual noise and I'll be able to hear myself think for a change.

On the other side of things it does get lonely after a few hours. I thought I'd change up my church schedule and sneak into cardio tennis at noon, but there was no cardio tennis at noon -- guessing cuz of the triathlon dealy -- so it was just me and a bucket-o-balls for a half-hour -- more quiet.

Then D called and wanted to play tennis ...

Besides the quiet, it's just nice to own my whole day, ya know? No running, no feeding, no nuthin' ... I wonder how many days it will take me to miss them?

Do not fear

2008-06-20T07:05:00.003-05:00

Matthew 10:26-30 (New Living Translation)

26 “But don’t be afraid of those who threaten you. For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. 27 What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear!
28 “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.[a] 29 What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin[b]? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. 30 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.

Clearly we are called to love, not fearfully, hesitantly, leaving ourselves always a place of safety to step back into. We are called to love boldly, to lead by His example, to reach out with everything we've got at TRUST that we need fear only God.

... and once again God uses something else entirely to make his point. A tennis lesson yesterday, working on the dreaded forehand approach shot. I'm struggling to make my body do what it's supposed to do and after a dozen or so coach Gary says, "Just try to take the cover off of this next one, I want to see what happens." So I did and it was a beautiful shot just six inches from the corner. It seems I don't play my best tennis when I play fearfully -- it figures.

Lookey lookey!!

2008-06-19T22:30:00.003-05:00

http://www.polkcountyiowa.gov/InmatesOnTheWeb/Details.aspx?bi=61480

Here's someone from a short list of people I happen to believe belong in jail. I won't say specifically why ... here ... but me thinks it would be more than running a red light.

Justice!

2008-06-19T21:36:00.001-05:00

http://www.polkcountyiowa.gov/InmatesOnTheWeb/Details.aspx?bi=62156

Book Date 6/19/2008 8:29 PM
DOB Name 06/28/1962Height 5' 07"Weight 200Race WhiteSex MaleEyes BrownHair Brown
Address12733 SE 64TH AVE RUNNELLS, IA 50237
Holding LocationMain Jail
Charges
Case #
Description
Bond
Bond Type
08-3769/3770
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$10,000
Cash
08-3769/3770
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$10,000
Cash
08-3769/3770
SEX ABUSE 2ND DEGREE
$10,000
Cash
08-3769/3770
ASSAULT (INJURY) WITH INTENT TO COMMIT SEX ABUSE
$10,000
Cash
08-3769/3770
INVASION OF PRIVACY-NUDITY
$10,000
Cash

Believing LIES ...

2008-06-19T15:14:00.002-05:00

There should be a name for whatever it is that's going on in a person's head when one continues to operate according to a false belief ... when the direct evidence of the belief's falseness is readily available, even consciously understood.

For instance:

I KNOW that it's difficult if not impossible to detect TONE in email and text communications and that conversations that might require especially clear communication shouldn't be conducted via my two favorite means, yet I jump right in and allow more layers of misunderstanding. (sigh)

I KNOW that God is God and people are people, yet when a person lets me down I withold my trust from God too.

I KNOW that I don't have enough knowledge to form a fair opinion, but I do it anyway.

I KNOW that I'm called to love people. I know that the alternative is isolating and quickly hazardous, yet I turn to a defensive isolation at the smallest slight.

I KNOW that tennis balls do not respond favorably to a half-hearted swing, yet I swing half-heartedly sometimes out of fear and uncertainty. -- of what I do not know.

I know better, but I do it anyway.

Winning is just more fun

2008-06-17T14:05:00.002-05:00

... and it's all about fun.

So, until JUST recently I was getting a kind of sucky attitude about tennis. It's so frustrating to see a glimmer of past abilities in practice and not be able to find a way to bring the A game (or even the B game) on match day.

It's anxiety.
It's thinking too much about how and what ...
It's worrying about non-tennis things and even tennisish things.
It's forgetting that tennis is FUN.
I like to smash fuzzy yellow balls around.
I like tennis.

So I played pretty well over the weekend, won my singles match and our doubles match with a few games (not quite the whole match) of just plain brilliant tennis. There is hope!!

... and all it took was turning up the volume on the internal FUN dial and reminding myself that careful concerned tennis doesn't really work that well and that ultimately it's way better to go for the shot and have it not workout than to hold back and hit the dinker that doesn't work out half the time anyway. This isn't really an original idea -- Koach Kerwin has said as much, but I'm not always the best direction follower (sigh).

The Cereal Link to Adult ADD ...

2008-06-13T09:58:00.003-05:00

Since school is out and I’m all in a funk over the explosion of my weekly routine, I’ve been politely encouraging my children to get their own breakfast. It is, after all, my primary responsibility to prepare them to live independently of me one day. To do my part, I offered to purchase whatever breakfast cereals they might want. (they’re both perfectly capable of making toast and scrambled eggs, but for some reason expect me to prepare their cereal bowls ... mostly just the younger one actually)

Here are the cereals now awaiting consumption at the Farrell home:

Grape-Nuts, Frosted Flakes, Honey-Nut Cheerios, Corn Pops, Cap’n Crunch w/Crunchberries, Rice Krispies, and CoCo Puffs.

It happened to occur to me that these are all old-school cereals. Lucky Charms, Super Sugar Crisp and Fruity Pebbles are all regulars at my house too, but I can’t even NAME a breakfast cereal that wasn’t around when I was a kid. Hmmmmm ...

What does that mean?
Have all of the truly great breakfast cereals already been discovered?
Are breakfast cereals discovered or invented? Is there really a difference?

Is there no funding for cereal R&D these days?
Is it cheaper to re-market an old product than to create something new?
Are the present-day cereal executives creatively inferior to past generations?

Are there new cereals on the shelves that I don’t notice?
Are Tast-ee-os really just as good as Cheerios?
Do they make Super Sugar Crisp and Honey Smacks at the same time and conspire to use two different labels in order to gain more shelf space?

What’s the prime real-estate in the cereal aisle, mom eye-level or kid eye-level?
Are there more marshmallows in Lucky Charms now or has my perception so dramatically shifted?
(At 10 I thought there weren’t enough and today I think the cereal is practically all marshmallow)

Jars Of Clay - Dan Haseltine about Frail

2008-06-12T07:07:00.001-05:00

Frail (Jars of Clay)

2008-06-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

Chorus:
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared
of being brokenGrowing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seems to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

[Chorus]

...frail

The only good news today - SMURF MOVIE

2008-06-10T21:25:00.002-05:00

First the Fraggles, now the Smurfs are going to have their own movie! I can already guess the plot though ... Gargamel kidnaps Smurfette ... Smurfs to the rescue ... or something like that.

... while the sex offenders run free

2008-06-10T07:34:00.003-05:00

Another probably cryptic post. I hope and pray it will all be less so later on, but for now, in the interest of protecting victims from further victimization ...

I'm totally a bystander on this one, but between the Creston police/rapists and another closer to home case with MULTIPLE victim statements on record and the Feds too busy apparently to bother with the very probable child pornography evidence that has been brought to their attention but is still in the hands of the perp and could be destroyed if the locals question him first, you know, basically tipping the guy off and then setting him free so that he can lawyer up and destroy evidence and all.

It really makes me wonder whether they(law enforcement) are convinced that rape is wrong or not. Silly me, I've been believing that one was a given.

Bad ideas ...

2008-06-09T06:31:00.004-05:00

"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you sometimes find that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." -- Winnie the Pooh

The real shame is that it's not really possible to put them back in again which would tend to lead us toward more quietness and non-sharing sorts of thots ... a consistent theme ... a consistent struggle on a consistently less than grace-filled planet.

Lance reminds me that I'm sitting on a ton and a half of stuff and the pressure always has had a tendency to leak out to everything else in its own way. So maybe it's not JUST the disintigration of routine as I'd feared. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the cumulative weight of a bunch of smaller worries and anxieties.

Maybe.

The kids are scheduled for tennis camp these next two weeks, I hope. Confirmation and clear communication are not so much a hallmark of the Aspen Tennis Crew. So maybe they're playing tennis this week and I can work out of the Starbucks down the street, or not.

Nadal Wins in GREEN:-)

2008-06-08T10:32:00.004-05:00

See! Green is a really good color. Nice contrast against the orange clay ... looks good with a tan ... and really truly I think he may have dropped a set if he'd worn anything else.

Kinda painful, actually, to see Federer struggle so much and just not manage to stay in the match. :-(

Rhythm, Routines and another French Open Final

2008-06-08T07:43:00.004-05:00

I'll be cheering for Nadal this morning, just because.

In other news, I'm trying not to crash. It's always a tough transition for me to get out of school-year mode and into some sort of summer routine. The pile-0'-papers was humongous this week, so I've really got to find the summer rhythm soon.

Really, I was hoping the tennis routine would hold me up this summer, but some unexpected chaos there too. (sigh)

I tried to find some reference or reason to my need for routine ... nothing really. I get to feeling good and loving life and believing there are no more dangers.

This wouldn't be the first time I've suddenly landed in the dirt. Is it just part of the rhythm or did I make some misstep in lowering my guard too much and allowing myself to be too comfortable, too vulnerable?

... so I'm back looking at a familiar equation. I know vulnerability is risky and necessary. I know that the alternative isolation is worse. I know, so why am I tempted to crawl back into it again anyway?

Stunned

2008-06-07T07:32:00.004-05:00

Okay, so, if I don't believe in 'karma' per se ... then I have to understand that the rest of it is either random, and therefore meaningless OR divine appointment and important.

Why do I keep getting free massages gifted to me?!

Oh, but first back to Nietzsche (this spelling seems wrong) and his understanding of love, selflessness and the coldness of thought. He is brilliant, but unfortunately godless ... and I believe the only thing missing is understanding that the strong, round, secure spirits he speaks of do not have a firm grip upon themselves but on the person of Christ Jesus. He is right when he proclaims the necessity of love.

It's been awhile, I guess, but I think I've been given certificates for free massages 5 or 6 times in the past as many years or so. Maybe this is a normal rate of free massage certificate receiving, I don't really know. Massages and eating grasshoppers are pretty much in the same category for me. Not.

Lance enjoys getting a massage. I'm really sure I wouldn't. So Lance is using my most recent gift after explaining to the grantor that it's just not my thing. And I know this is silly, but for some reason I am uneased just by the opening of the envelope as when a man makes some unsettling comment that earns him a point on my creepalarm scale. (sorry guys, I'll explain this one another day)

... and really I think it comes down to love. I don't want to be handled (again) in any 'cold, curious thought' sort of way. So love me, or don't. But keep your hands to yourself if you don't!

All Great Problems Demand Great Love

2008-06-06T22:55:00.002-05:00

"Selflessness" has no value either in heaven or on earth. All great problems demand great love, and of that only, strong, round, secure spirits who have a firm grip on themselves are capable. It makes the most telling difference whether a thinker has a personal relationship to his problems and finds in them his destiny, his distress, and his greatest happiness, or an "impersonal" one, meaning that he can do no better than to touch them and grasp them with the antennae of cold, curious thought.

Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Book Five, Section 345

You can click the post title to visit the blog where I stumbled upon this. I do not have a copy of 'The Gay Science; and was not able otherwise to verify the source, so, for what it's worth -- this hits me sort of strangely tonight.

I was wondering why it is that some people will sacrifice their lives for the sake of doing the right thing while others will avoid the smallest discomfort at the expense of a friend.

Creston Police Accused in Rape

2008-06-06T15:53:00.002-05:00

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080606/NEWS/80606023&s=d&page=1#pluckcomments

I no longer wonder why it's so difficult to get the cops moving in a more enthusiastic manner toward making arrests in cases of rape and sexual abuse. It seems at least some of them don't quite understand what the problem is about non-consentual sex.

... and the hand holding and shushing is kinda extra creepy.

It's not easy bein' green

2008-06-05T20:46:00.004-05:00

Lyrics:
It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be

So, if you notice in the right hand column there are two 'green' quizzy things. One is 'what color is your brain' and the other something about your heart having a color. The heart one I thought was funny because the color ended up green:-) (I was purple in some other category ... can't say I remember which since I'm not exceptionally fond of purple) It's also funny because the very last thing says I bring BALANCE to relationships ... and I happened to have just recently written about how I'm sorta struggling in the balance area of my big tennis comeback. Coach Gary says next week I get to learn how to walk and chew gum at the same time ... assuming of course I've mastered the idea of staying on my toes and moving toward the point of impact.

The brain color quiz has been over there forever, and maybe I've explained before ....

Back when I thought I'd never make it through and I was still seriously considering whether or not a head on collision with a semi-truck might be a sure-fire way to die, Lance and I went to this marriage retreat that Pastor Mike ran at some hotel just North of town.

The whole thing was a bad idea from the start, since Lance was still wanting to fix everything that was wrong by way of me being who he wanted me to be and I was pretty much operating as PTSD poster child with all of the junk going on during a pretty intense summer of 'therapy' during which Mr. Ed pushed me into reliving the miserable details of a bunch of less than pleasant ... experiences.

Anywayz, there were too many people crammed in too small of a room and I wasn't able to secure one of the few 'safe' seats (a concept likely understood only by my PTSD bretheren and maybe a few other specially spacially anxious type friends).

One of the events leading up to the MRMD (marriage retreat melt-down) was the administration of the Color Code personality profile. There should be a disclaimer advising against participation (like rollercoasters) for anyone with a heart condition or pregnant or temporarily insane, but there wasn't, so I took the quiz and scored highest for blue even though at least half of my answers would have been NONE OF THE ABOVE had that been an option. I wasn't at all comfortable with the smurf-people and when P.Mike walked by he suggested that I probably should go hang out with the white group ... which was better but still not right.

I like green because it wasn't one of the four options (Blue(relational), White(peacemakers), Red(driven), Yellow(fun)) and sometimes I like to cause trouble like that. Peacemaker, HA!!

So I read these lyrics and had to smile. I always loved this song as a kid even though it didn't mean much at the time. I think I shall now go over to itunes and see if I can't grab a proper recording.

See U There - Thomas Lift at West Glen's [a] avenue gallery

2008-06-05T08:26:00.005-05:00

In case the type isn't big enough to read on here ...

My favorite artist is back at the avenue gallery in West Glen the weekend of June 26th. There's an open house from 5:30 to 9:30. I'll be stopping by either early or late ... got SetPhree in the middle of that. I'm thinkin' Lance and I are officially 'collectors' I think. Not that we have anyone else's art, but we've got 5 of Bill's pieces hanging in our house right now and another one at the office.

It is not for purely selfish reasons that I suggest you attend. (intended tone: silliness: in case you're thinking I just want Bill and his art to be famous such that the value of our collection would increase) The images truly are amazing and Bill and Ronja are a pretty fun couple to meet too.

At the last show I was struggling to decide between two lions. Bill suggested I check out the verses. (I'm pretty sure he knew this would make the decision for me) I chose a painting called 'Whisper.' Here's the accompanying scripture:

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Matthew 10:26-28

... and there is no darkness in him at all

2008-06-04T06:09:00.003-05:00

1 John 1:5

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.

Because it seems there's no end to the need for this particular theology tip. God is Light. God is Love. God is Good. God is Perfect.

... and there is no darkness in him at all. There is no evil in him. There is no sin. There is no darkness. ... Pure Light. Perfect Light. Pure Love. Perfect Love.

God does not do evil.
God does not plan evil.
Abuse is not His will.
Cancer is not His will.
Whatever evil has come ... is not His will.

It's not his nature.
There is no darkness in Him ... at all.
None.

We live in a sinful, fallen world where there is darkness that works against His will. We'll get there someday ... where everything is perfect ... it's called heaven. This ain't it.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

He has overcome the world. He is perfect. He'll use it to bring forth light. Light wins. Jesus has the last word. He stands WITH US in the darkness.

Texas Sect Kids Back Home

2008-06-03T07:05:00.004-05:00

The Texas kids are back home, thank God. ... at least I hope it's a good thing in most cases ... and I hope the kids who needed out were given voice.

It's really kind of unbelievable that it had to go this far ... or that it did. These kids have been horribly traumatized by being removed from their parents and warehoused and then redistributed to foster families who live according to an entirely different culture. Children believe, and they should, that mom and dad are able to perfectly protect them.

Of course this belief will be eroded by time and experience, but this experience was more like a massive explosion than the slow steady pressure of water through a canyon.

I do hope the 'clarifications' are held to by sect leadership and that the community will do a better job of record keeping and all that is needed to comply with the government rules for child rearing. -- hmmm, hold on a minute --

Government rules for child rearing? This case represents a dangerous turn I think, where we flip from removing children who are being harmed to removing children who are being parented according to a different belief system.

The worst part of this is that the action proves to the women in this sect that the outsiders can't be trusted. If there is abuse, we'll never hear about it now because the consequence of reporting abuse in the community is too steep to bear. These women now understand that abuse in a few families will cost the entire community. -- way to teach people how to sweep it under the rug!

Can you imagine all of the children in a regular U.S. community being taken away because abuse was suspected in a handful of cases? ... and the media in this case still seems to be on the side of removing the kids, but are they intent upon rescuing them from abuse or from the weirdness of living at camp YFZ?

The Last Day

2008-06-02T09:21:00.002-05:00

The big yellow beast took the children away for the last time this morning ...

Girlie was excited to go ... beach day and she said all they were doing today was having a party and hanging out on their towels. She chanted some little thing about partying like a rock star and I have no idea if it's something from a tv show or something she made up.

Boy was considerably less excited ... waste of time he says. He threatened to be sick to miss school and I promised he'd need a whole week in his bed to recover from whatever illness. He went to school.

... and I am annoyed that my routines must now shift accordingly. Even the stuff I figured wouldn't. Pbbbblt!!!

Remodeling

2008-06-01T21:50:00.002-05:00

After a year I figured it must be time for a fresh look. The lioness is cropped from a Leroy Nieman print. It was either that or Snoopy:-)

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY of school and already they're making their cases for skipping on account of the fact that nothing worthwhile will happen tomorrow and grades are already a done deal.

I think I'm winning, but we won't know for sure till the bus rolls away tomorrow!

Recovery Steps

2008-05-31T06:45:00.003-05:00

It's been almost three years now since SetPhree started meeting. I never imagined I'd find myself in any kind of ministry role. Really, as challenging as it's been to find my own way and considering the various issues I'm still lugging around ... I sometimes wonder what I could possibly have to offer.

I've been fascinated by the healing process in others. (it's hard to see your own objectively) And what I notice is that what I've been working on in tennis these past couple of weeks applies to SetPhree as well.

It's all about balance, of course. Coach Gary thinks after 20 years of martial arts that balance wouldn't be my difficulty. (all I can say is you shoulda seen how balanced I wasn't before martial arts!) The trouble behind the problem is that I've been in such a hurry to get back into position after hitting the ball that I don't fully commit to actually hitting the ball and I end up taking a sort of step when I should just take the step and it turns out there's a big difference between stepping through and just sticking your foot out there for the purpose of pushing yourself right back to where you started. Sorta like how some people would try to kick the target pad and put their foot back down behind them. If you really throw the kick correctly there's no way you can do that!

So I've been working on recovery steps. Adding another step after the actual stroke to force me to stay in better balance throughout the hitting the ball part. It's not at all helpful it seems to be falling backward while trying to hit a tennisball forward. Imagine!

The purpose of SetPhree isn't to undo the damage of rape or incest. It's a mistake to think of it as some kind of sickness that needs to be cured. The trouble is we never learned to manage vulnerability/risk in relationships in the same way that healthy people do. Abuse teaches us that vulnerability is horribly dangerous so we (survivors) adapt through our own unique methods of self-protection. We hide in our safe corners. We take steps without really stepping through and instead just pushing our selves right back into the same position.

SetPhree is about learning to take risks -- learning to be vulnerable -- learning to actually engage in our relationships with God and others. Turns out it's not helpful to take some relational risk at the same time as you're trying to step back into safety. It's all about balance as it turns out. Ya gotta step through!

Fear of Flying

2008-05-30T07:42:00.002-05:00

Big surprise, travelers are something less than satisfied with their airline experiences. Did they really need to do a survey to know that? Personally, I've been putting quite a lot of effort to staying off of planes. In fact, I think I was last on a plane in early December 2006. I'll be flying again this summer, once, but I don't look forward to it.

I just can't trust any of the airlines or airports or any of the supposed 'people' who work there. They're all either insane or on some kind of King/Queen for a day trip and find some perverse pleasure in surprising passengers with new rules and new interpretations of rules. They enforce their various provisions with robot-like inflexibility and then flash you their evil little smirk when you dare complain that they made you gate-check your perfectly legal sized laptop and wrecked it or forced you to stash your diaper bag in the overhead bin seven rows up because somebody else put something under your seat or wouldn't let your pre-schooler use the bathroom because the drink cart was blocking the aisle and wouldn't let her use the first-class facilities either because you didn't have a first class ticket.

I'm pretty sure the folks in NewOrleans received better care after hurricane Katrina than the average airline passenger today. Well, maybe not, but they're close enough to compare.

It's hard to protect yourself in flight. You've got no control over the whole staying in the air business -- no control over on time departures and landings -- no control over your stuff. It's just scary having to trust other people all the time -- or does it cause me to pull back because I know the person on the other end of the transaction doesn't care.

... hard to fly in relationships when you know the other person doesn't care too, btw.

Love is not a game.

2008-05-29T06:07:00.006-05:00

It's not fair either. Oh, wait, fairness is one of the cool things about games. (most kinds anyhow)

Rosebud died yesterday at 2pm. She perked up then faded then perked up then faded ... and it seems she faded every time I got a little KMR into her and perked up on the sugar water. So we put both dead kittens into one shoebox and Lance dug a hole and we had our kitten funeral. It's sad and kinda funny that Jocelyn will carry a dead kitten around and pet it and talk to it and treat it like a stuffed animal. (which was why I hurried Lance along on the hole digging project) ... and I'm feeling like a jerk for not checking in on the kittens all day Sunday or Monday or Tuesday. I just went up there and gave them food but didn't count them or pay much attention to them. It's so not fair that we had to lose the favorites!

Everyone plays by the same rules in games, but life gives us the ability to create our own. We're not supposed to, of course, but sadly it's common. Love. It's that simple -- and that difficult.

Lance is back early from his retreat thingy, which I sorta expected after looking over the literature. Sometimes Christians do really weird things with Christianity. Even Christians are forever trying to come up with something more Christian than love.

So I was thinking about the things that frighten me, that make it difficult to love -- the shadows that speak of this world's capacity for darkness. There's the obvious, at least to me, like outright meanness and contempt; the more subtle like teasing and small comments that betray some creepy condition of the heart; and the almost invisible, dishonesty. I don't mean the blatant deceitful kind. That's covered under meanness and contempt I think. I mean the white lies. The things people say to 'soften' the truth.

Not that there isn't wisdom in silence. I don't think everyone really needs to know everything that's said or thought about them all of the time. If it's negative I suppose we should recognize it as hurtful and the shame of our own hearts and seek to correct it.

What is it that makes us think that under some circumstances we're better to protect each other from the truth?

... if you tell me the truth, however unpleasant, then you and I are on the same page dealing with the same truth ... if you feed me some airbrushed cover you also create a place of isolation for me. If I believe you then I am separated by believing the lie. If I don't believe you then I am separated by mistrust. Something is broken either way.

The truth just is. (as I have oft been reminded and now occasionally get to remind others)

... and whether we're talking about how to present the news about dead kittens or the darkest family secrets or tennis lessons or report cards ...

isn't it just better to be honest even when the truth is unpleasant? It's not like we have the power to change the truth ... it just is.

... and when we try to live as though it isn't we end up causing the same sorts of messes we thought we were protecting each other from. -- what a waste of effort!

Ugly Tennis

2008-05-28T08:24:00.002-05:00

I'm NOT talking about the socks. ... or her game, seriously.

I'm DESPERATELY wanting to PLAY!! No Monday stuff cuz of Holiday and Tuesday match rained out and no court available at club cuz it was the rain site for HS state tennis ...

So I thought: Hey, if I can't play then I'll go watch some good matches! ... but I was shocked to see some pretty not that good tennis. Crappy accordian-like shove the ball over the net serves, better ground strokes for the most part actually, but a few stinkers and even a rather, ummm, over-sized kid who couldn't take more than one step and hit a sort of underspin on every ball. I was disappointed, BUT ... there's nothing like watching a little ugly tennis to feel motivated to get the trash shots out of your own game:-) I'm pretty sure I'd truly rather miss than hit any of that crappy stuff!

Oh, it turns out it was 1A and 2A Team tennis.

Kittens ...

2008-05-28T08:14:00.002-05:00

Sad news ... we lost one.

Another one on it's last breath yesterday afternoon is now responding well and I'm optimistic now. The vet gave it a 20% chance yesterday ... Jocelyn's favorite, Rosebud ... of course.

The one we lost was a favorite too:-(

It seems the mommas decided to wean and some of the kittens weren't quite prepared for that. Dehydration is quick for kittens. I sure wish I'd checked in on them yesterday morning though.

Just GO TO SCHOOL NOW!!!!!

2008-05-27T09:31:00.005-05:00

This was officially the WORST day ever of trying to get my kids out the door to the school bus on time. I hit upon a sort of bad morning trifecta 1. up too late last night 2. long weekend 3. last week of school.

The boy, who I've previously said would do fine in his own apartment as long as he had an alarm clock and a freezer full of Stouffer's frozen panini came running back in the house to change shirts (suddenly deciding pink wasn't the best color choice) after having dressed himself and waiting 2 minutes longer than normal to start toward the bus stop in the first place because of the rain.

to make matters worse, he stood there in his room like he didn't know where he might be able to find a different shirt for, like, 5 whole seconds while quite possibly missing the bus.

Needless to say I hustled him out the door in the stupid pink tshirt that he'd chosen and put on all by himself 20 minutes prior. ... I sure hope he doesn't get beat up over it today or something!

The girl, who is never exactly easy to get loaded onto the bus, wanted to wear a strappy little dress on a cold rainy day without the requisite tshirt underneath that would've provided some warmth and the all important coverage needed to conceal bra straps. Big meanie that I am I told her she couldn't go to school with bra straps showing. In the end she chose another outfit ... shorts and a couple of layers of tshirt ... along with a jacket. She'll probably be cold all day. I can only hope she remembers the lesson next time.

... and I'm feeling like such a slug this morning cuz I normally play tennis twice on Mondays and this week ... NotONCE thanks to routing busting holidays. The rest of y'all might actually like a break from the routine, but not me. I like my routines just fine thank you very much and I'd gladly stick with it every single day of every single week of every single year for the next 10 or so. ... and it's all gonna hit a major wrinkle next week when school is done. Yikes!

Storm Recovery

2008-05-26T09:57:00.003-05:00

I spent almost an hour picking up sticks and such. There are only a couple that might qualify as small limbs. (what is the qualifying size?) Definitely enough to get a bonfire or two going ...

Part of the trampoline net came apart ... a chair cushion ended up in the front yard (would have started out on the chair on the back patio) ... doormat blew over ... hot tub cover blew open ... some shingles off of the barn ... a door latch on the barn broken ...

It was definitely really windy last night.

... good thing the tent people got the tent down yesterday afternoon:-)

Lance actually did manage to surprise me with the party (details) and it was a lot of fun and the ribeye sandwiches were amazing and some folks came in from NY and NE to say hello and a few out of the woodwork that I never would've guessed Lance would contact. I'm sure he missed some too ... and it's too bad we had to be up against a holiday weekend and all those graduations, but a good party all in all.

I even managed to get out of bed at a reasonable hour the day after and Darren and I won our tennis match at 2pm and the sun might have moved my skin color from glow-in-the-dark to light-pale.

I met a friend last night for a chat and a beer where the local band Brother Trucker was playing. I didn't get to stay long cuz of the kids and the storm, but drummer Jimmy said hello before the show and they sounded great and I think I'm going to hire them to play Lance's 50th when it comes around. It seems his wife works with my friend and Jimmy managed a little Court Ave. bar called Julio's some 21 years ago when I was a regular.

40

2008-05-24T08:59:00.002-05:00

Alright, I've held it off as long as possible. I'm 40. I don't know how it ever got to this. I feel 28, well, except for my knees and those pesky little lines around my eyes that didn't used to be there.

Lance is a little concerned about the level of wetness today. Hopefully it'll clear off by afternoon. If not it's plan B and a little bit closer quarters. I'm sure we'll have fun either way, but if it doesn't let up there'll be no bonfire at dark. (sigh)

Patience

2008-05-23T06:06:00.003-05:00

Justice is NOT swift for s.a. survivors, but it IS possible. (definitely waiting with eager anticipation)

Lipstick CAN be removed from lavender mesh workout pants if you use the right product and wash them often enough. (my pink zipity is upgraded to stable condition but may have to be downgraded a level of 'casual')

New Hot-tub covers WILL eventually be shipped.

School will eventually be OUT (really I mean will eventually START again in the fall).

Jesus really is coming BACK in full glory and power.

... and all of this requires me to wait, to practice patience.

Really it's not going well at all. I'm waiting very impatiently and when I sit still I feel like I have pinballs bouncing around inside of me or something most of the time. (sigh)

... and then there's the other kind of patience. The patience and grace I'm supposed to have for other people. That whole engaging the person behind the front instead of impatiently bouncing off over some misstep. There's nothing clearer to me right now than this: I simply do not have enough patience on my own. And I really would like to get to the place where I'm no longer aware of my own impatience.

My heart breaks for them all the more because I know there's something beautiful behind the mask and they choose to live from fear and hide.

1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Life is NOT good except for David Cook

2008-05-22T05:50:00.005-05:00

I am a laundry failure. How hard is it, really, to check POCKETS!?!??!? So, I washed one of my favorite lipsticks, a $21.00 problem, and my dryer did a stunninly effective job of tumbling all of the clothes in that load together such that they could each be evenly coated with blotches of Clinique's blushing nude.

I think I've successfully rescued a couple of things, but one of my favorite hooded zippities, a pink Life is Good item, remains in critical condition and girly's Nike mesh lavender pants are a total loss and not replaceable.

I see in the morning news that the older and more adorable David (imo) was crowned American Idol. Still, I didn't vote and I never did watch a show, but I did listen to him on itunes and even purchased a couple of songs. The average viewer is up to 42 now, I guess, so maybe I'll become a fan of the show ... soon.

Kos-tombed

2008-05-21T08:17:00.003-05:00

I don't even know what this is a picture of.

I searched google images for a picture of creepy (I was thinking of writing about something else entirely)and this is the only one that seemed ... right.

Costumes,
Disguises,
Facades,
Masks,

to shield us from our own fears or to entomb us in isolation.

It's so easy to just bounce off of someone else's armour without ever really engaging the person behind it. Lovelessness -- or even a casual contempt.

Lord help me stay present and vulnerable and true -- help me resist the temptation to hide -- give me courage to live and love, to serve you without fear.

t RUST ed

2008-05-20T07:19:00.004-05:00

jus' thinkin' ...

It's the simplest aspects of relationship that carry the most potential to degrade trust.

... careless words ... small betrayals ... lack of care.

The model we're given in the person of Jesus. Pure, Unfailing Love. What does that look like in

family relationships ...

intimate relationships ...

professional relationships ...

friendly relationships ...

Why do I let them rust?

Why do I continually fall back on the bad habits of harsh words and teasing and sarcasm and fear? Am I afraid to speak encouragement and appreciation ... love?

Fictional Anxiety

2008-05-19T06:13:00.002-05:00

I'm sure I must be missing something, but I don't understand what's so great about movies. Lance started watching 'Accepted,' because it happened to be on TV and it struck Lance as funny enough to summon me in from my perch. It's a PG-13 comedy, but I just can't stop myself from getting wrapped up in the fictional anxiety of the fictional characters.

Actually I think the worst for me is when the characters are not seeming to feel the anxiety they should be feeling (you know, if they were real and their circumstances were also real) and I step in and graciously pick up the tab for them. So I do better with the more realistic shows where the fictional people act a little more like actual people and I can comfortably remain the observer.

I don't think there are even a dozen school dayz left ... and I've no idea what I'm going to do when that big yellow bus stops taking my kids away in the morning. ... guess I better get serious about the sign-ups and such, huh?

Unknown - the hazards of living secret free

2008-05-18T08:16:00.003-05:00

I'm turning 40 this week, but really I think it's only 2 ... or maybe 9 if you count the uncontaminated first 7 years. It's only 2 years ago I gave up my secrets.

I occasionally get to see the small sacred moment when someone realizes that their secrets are killing them ... literally choking them off from any real feeling of joy or love or peace. It's not always easy to know that my trauma resume is public and I never really know who knows what or who doesn't, but seeing one of these is evidence enough that any occasional unease on my part is worth it.

Still, there is a hazard in that I never know at first how much people know or don't. I sorta wish they'd just tell me.

Groovy House

2008-05-17T07:27:00.004-05:00

If you have 1.3 million to put in a house you could actually BE Austin Powers I think. This house is soooo cool! (really I meant groovy)

Lance and I went to look at this house last night, not that we're looking, we were just along for the ride. It's crazy. The Dahl's grocery store folks built it in the 60s, added on in the late 70s, had everything top of the line and then left it alone. The place is a time capsule right down to the Annie Leibowitz (sp?) coffee table book.

Seriously though, I LUV the Frank Lloyd Wright architecture. It's a little funky and unfriendly seeming from the outside, but the inside feels great and the light is amazing.

Someone really cool needs to buy this house and then have fun parties. ... not that I really like parties much, but I might like them here!

So if you've got some time and a realtor who will show you expensive houses, go see it ... hang out awhile ... play some cards (they're in the drawer by the bar) ...

Hiding from God ...

2008-05-16T07:56:00.002-05:00

I have been.

I know it.

I just got ... tired.

Psalm 139:7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

... a reading from Immersion last night ... I hadn't been there for three weeks ... didn't even go to church on Sunday ... and the words of this Psalm that should be a comfort are instead an irritation.

"Quit following me! Leave me alone! I'm tired," were the thoughts rattling around ... and then I feel this sadness creep in and I don't really know how I got to wanting to hide again. Hiding is bad, remember? Hiding is dangerous, remember? *&$%!!!

1 Peter 5:8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Who am I thinking I can survive alone -- separate from the flock, tired and weak.

Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting.

A Fraggle Movie!?!? Yay!

2008-05-13T21:35:00.002-05:00

I love Fraggle Rock!

... went trick-or-treating as Red in 83 or 84 or so ... and yes, I was too old for trick-or-treating. My pal Erna was Wembly. Nobody recognized who we were, but we were proud of the costumes nevertheless.

No details yet, but remember you heard it here first!

... dance your cares away, worries for another day ...

MISS-communication

2008-05-11T10:42:00.002-05:00

Sometimes punctuation is everything, ya know?

Ick. Not expanding upon the comment since I've likely done enough harm already without further circulation of the specific comment(s) ... but seriously, shouldn't everyone know that the elipse (...) is more like a comma than a period? And it's truly stunning to see how a group of words can change meaning when one interprets the elipse differently. I so should've just sent the Lego picture without explanation!

Okay, so we survived lawyer meeting Friday with only a mild headache and then went to dinner with lawyer and spouse. Dinner was good, and surprisingly enough all my anxieties were completely unfounded and it was a fun and relaxing evening. See, I have trouble sometimes being comfortable with women. Truthfully it's way more than a sometimes thing. I always worry that any new female type acquaintance will be of the variety that just, well, doesn't appreciate me.

I do usually get along okay with women who prefer beer over wine and grew up on farms:-) So, yay, Mrs. Lawyer was such a type and was fun and easy and nice.

If only ALL girlie types could, I don't know, settle down ... relax ... *$*^@*&^!!!

The last 33 pages ...

2008-05-10T09:22:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I have an editor ... sort of.

A friend of a friend kind of thing and she was gracious enough to read 'the book' and likes it, quite a lot I think, and doesn't want me to change too much of it.

But the last 33 pages ...

I knew they weren't finished. It's hard to explain, but they're just these little remnants of journal writing/prayer that contain important little bits. It's the stuff I can't read through without tears ... still. Maybe never, I guess.

So she says I should expand them to include scripture. In some cases I'm directly referring to a specific text, so that's easy enough. In others it's just confronting this demon of betrayal ... abandonment. Finding small pieces of hope ...

Arg.

So here I am stuck in a coffee shop in Chicago ... staring out the window at the intersection of Grand and Illinois at Saturday Chicago people. It's funny. They look a lot like Des Moines people. They're midwesterners after all. But mostly they walk differently in Chicago ... a little bit like an accent I suppose.

Okay, I'm writing now. Really.

Fritzl says he's no monster.

2008-05-07T07:50:00.002-05:00

(click title for story)
Well, ummm, actually I think his mug should be added to the dictionary right next to the word monster.

Yup, monster.

There's debate about whether he belongs in prison or a psych ward, but I say the only justice would be a secret underground dungeon below Bubba's cell in a prison so he could maybe develop some understanding of what it's like to be kept alive for the sole purpose of being someone's sex slave.

Jesus would probably disagree, I know, but that's still what I think.